Gates' Rules

Gates' Rules  

 

 Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school . He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

 

This is how a Good team should be!!!

 

Important to have friends

Chinese PJ

What will indians say to chinese, when the population of India will become more than that of China?


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Chini Kum

Daughters

 

WHY THE ENGLISH WORE RED COATS

WHY THE ENGLISH WORE RED COATS -

A long time ago, Britain and France were at  war.  During one battle, the
French captured an English colonel.

They took him to their headquarters, and the  French general began to
question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French general  asked, "Why do you English
officers all wear red coats?  Don't you know  the red material makes you
easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed  the general that the reason
English officers wear red coats is if they are shot the blood won't show,
and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day to this, all Pakistani Army officers wear
brown pants.

Happy Birthday !!! - Hilarious

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.  

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.  Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.  Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."  He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.  He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.  Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!!

Amazing answer...

A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

To Kill time he decides to have fun   with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...

Senior Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet...

Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...

naam hai..........,

shohrat hai.........,

paisa hai............

Izzat Hai.............,

tumhare paas kya hai?





Scroll down to find out his answer

Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki "Mere paas Maa hain"
or those stupid Pj - "Mere Paas Raaj Maa Hai Types"
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Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....

Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

AAJ Ka PJ

Question : Why is clapping not allowed in Afghanistan??
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hmm? quite easy yaar.....
Pata nahi......?

waha 'tali'-ban hai !!

Aaj Ka PJ

WHAT DID 0 SAY TO 8???????????

SOCHO....
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THINK THIS IS REALLY PJ..

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THINK HARD..

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ANS::: NICE BELT YARR..

Stronger Rupee = Stronger India

Stronger Rupee = Stronger India

  What type of economic strength is preferable to India?

A) A strong Indian economy fueled by its cheap labor due to a weaker rupee against dollar, where the Indians end up working in shifts, late nights, whole nights and what not… only doing low profile jobs which foreign companies want to offload to India, so that they can concentrate on high end works and become even better. For instance in IT field, providing BPO services, support and maintenance work for products…

OR

B) A strong Indian economy fueled by its strong innovations and products, no matter whether the rupee is strong or weak against dollar.. where Indians work only in regular office hours of 9 to 6, developing cutting edge technologies and solutions, selling our world class products both inside and outside India. For instance in IT field, imagine operating systems, compilers, databases etc all coming out of India..

I do not deny the fact that the IT boom in India came to a large extent because of (A). Well and good, we have had the benefits of our cost being cheap in western markets due to a weak rupee against dollar.. We have had our share because of this advantage in the past 2 decades..

But at the same time doesn't it make sense to move towards (B), instead of crying foul against rupee becoming stronger against dollar?

What a pity! Indian IT companies are feeling bad because rupee is becoming stronger against dollar! Reason, their profits will go down when the value of rupee is stronger, as every single dollar that comes into their account now means lesser rupee than earlier..(if for instance earlier they used to get 47 rupees for every dollar that comes in, but today its about 40!)

But isn't this a matter of celebration? Our rupee is gaining importance internationally and is becoming stronger again .. How many of us know that in 1947 when India got independence 1 Rupee was 1.2 US dollars?

These Indian IT companies instead of relying on a weaker rupee for their profit should now look at coming out with innovative products and technical solutions. What have these companies done in the arena of core system products? Why don't we have any operating systems, compilers, database systems, development platforms etc coming out of India? Why don't we develop tools like photoshop or flash? We have talent, but they all are working in American companies on these products.. Cannot our Indian IT companies setup at least small teams to develop such products?

Instead they are planning to make their employees work on Saturdays too ! So that their profits can increase due to extra hours the employees put in.. As if India doesn’t have any other option other than cheap labour, workaholic labor!! Are there no brains in India who can setup companies developing products and make money just by printing out more serial numbers and burning their product DVDs?

If Indian companies continue to depend on its weak currency, then how would Indian economy survive in a world where all currencies have equal value? Survival of the fittest.. Only greater innovation can help us in that case..

We need to have knowledge and technological advantage if India wants to become a superpower, not low cost based cheap labor advantage! Let the Chinese do it..

I hope that rupee becomes more and more stronger so that Indians are forced to use their brains and come up with innovative products and next generation technologies, than to provide low end services…

We need to create a situation where other countries line up to buy our F-16s, to buy our operating systems, to buy our mobile phones and I-pods, to buy our Boeing, to buy our Mercedes…

A stronger rupee means we can easily afford foreign trips!

"A stronger rupee means Indians can buy things anywhere in the world on par with developed economies! We dont have to spend crores of rupees then to buy a Boeing! We don't have to pay tens of thousands of rupees for international air travels! A stronger rupee means greater international exposure! There wont be a difference between buying a Maruti and buying a Mercedes! One can go on a trip to the Grand Canyon just like the way one goes to Ladakh or Nepal ! How do you think american citizens are able to tour all over the world? Because they earn more? No. But because their currency USD is stronger.. and this is where a strong rupee will lead us to!… "

I am not saying providing low end services is wrong.. It gave us a very good start in the 90s. But that should definitely not be the bread and butter fueling our economic boom indefinitely in the future.. For the simple reason that it can't continue to do so any longer.. other low cost destinations, cheaper than India are already coming up in the world… Let us move ahead… become more innovative.. the journey has just started… This is just the beginning of all the beginnings…  

Self Confidence

Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot ) Ud Raha tha full speed par ....

Uske Saamne full speed me ek Ferrari aa rahi thi ...  

Dono ki takkar hui ...

Totaa Behosh ...

 Raste me Ek Beggar (Bole to bhikari) tha

Usne Tote ko uthaya aur Ghar le gaya ....

 Usko Marham lagaya ..

 Aur Pinjare me rakh diya ...

 Jab Tote ko hosh aaya ...

 Usne apne aap ko Pinjare me dekha ...

 

Bola ... ..

 

" AAILA ... JAIL   mein.... woh Ferrari ka Driver mar gaya kya?"

With Wife in the Zoo - Joke

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing
a loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing
his usual jeans and t-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a
large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately
went crazy. He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2
feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was
obviously very excited by the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He
suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering
her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla
got extremely excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall
to show a little more skin. She did ... and the gorilla was about to
tear the bars down!

"Now, show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips
and charging the bars!

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
flung her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and
said, "Now, tell him you have a headache AND U ARE NOT IN THE   MOOD NOW."

PENCILation

 

Spot the odd one out!!

 

PJ

one intelligent boy goes to coffee shop, orders a coffee..



Waiters takes the order goes across the table and does some ishara.....







and after some time brings the bill....


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Waiter replies, " Samajhdar ke liye ishara hi coffee hai"...

PJ

one intelligent boy goes to coffee shop, orders a coffee..
Waiters takes the order goes across the table and does some ishara.....
and after some time brings the bill....
Dude asks what about the coffee, you did some ishara and got me the bill???
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Waiter replies, " Samajhdar ke liye ishara hi coffee hai"...

Boy & Girl in restaurant

Boy:-I Love u

Girl:-I don’t Love u

Boy:- Think again?

Girl:-I told u. No no & no

Boy :- Waiter,bring separate bills.

Girl:- ok ok....... I Love u too....... :)

Cricket PJ

Guess This :


GNIWS



????????????????????..






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Reverse SWING!!!!

PJ

Can you give me the name of the most famous HEART TRANSPLANT operation done in India??
socho...answer bahut easy hai...

socho...answer bahut easy hai...


chalo de deta huun ...bahtu scroll kiya aapne....


here it goes.....



Between ajay devgan and twinkle khanna ....in the movie JAAN...

'mere sinne main tera DIL dhadke ...tere sinne main mera DIL?jaan O meri Jaan..'

hope is (my) life

Ek Gadha:- yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Dusara Gadha:- to tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata par yahan future bada bright hai ... malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai, "teri shadi gadhe se kar dunga...!" bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon.

“Ummed per duniya qayam hai”

Color of Frequency ---- Physics PJ

What is the Color of Frequency???












Socho socho!!!!!!!

















without further ado.....the Ans is...............













PURPLE














Reason:

Frequency = 1/Sec or u can say Per second

Now Second = Pal ( In Hindi or moment in English)



Therefore....Frequency = Per Pal = Purple

Ctrl+c during Internet Session

here is some useful information for all.

Ctrl+C may be the most important work we do everyday. But it's not a very safe thing to do. Read on to know why.
What happens when you press Ctrl+C while you are Online...?
We do copy various data by Ctrl+C for pasting elsewhere.
This copied data is stored in clipboard and is accessible from the net by a combination of JavaScript’s and ASP.


Just try this:

1) Copy any text by Ctrl+C
2) Click the Link: http://www.sourcecodesworld.com/special/clipboard.asp
3) you will see the text you copied was accessed by this web page.

Do not keep sensitive data (like passwords, credit card numbers, PIN etc.) in the clipboard while surfing the web. It is extremely easy to extract the text stored in the clipboard to steal your sensitive information.

To avoid Clipboard Hack Problem, do the following:
1. Go to internet options->security
2. Press custom level
3. In the security settings, select disable under Allow paste operations via script.
Now the contents of your clipboard are safe. :)

PJ

Many ants were swimming in a swimming pool........but only one ant was swimming with one of it's hand raised above ......
y?????
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its watch was not water-proof......

A Real Story :: Romantic

U just killed the meaning of LOVE
Hi................. Trust the fact??????????

This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month
in Chandigarh. Her name was Priya. She was hit by a truck.

She is working in a call centre. She has a boy friend named Shankar.
Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone.You can
never see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone
from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.

She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away shealways told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people cudnt carry her body, I was there. A lot of
them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the body, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a person who know to one of their neighbours, who can speak with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her father.

He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.

After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here." Then her
friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and sim card inside the
casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and
they carried it into the van easily.

All of us were shocked. Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that
Priya had passed away.

After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom.....

Shankar :...."Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me.
Dont tell Priya that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her."
Her mother replied....."You come home first, I wanna tell you
something very important."

After he came, they told him the truth about Priya. Shankar thinks
that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "dont try to
fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her. Please stop
this nonsense".

Then they show him the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) He
said... "Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.
Shankar was shaking.

Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. "see this is from Priya, see this...."
he showed the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to
answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode.

All of them heard his conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.

It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her
sim card since it is nailed.


Inside the grave box they were so shocked and asked for the same person's
(who can speak with the soul of deal perosns) help again. He brought his
master to solve this matter.

He & his master worked for 5 hours.

Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them...








Hutch has the best coverage.

Where ever you go, our network follows!!!

Don't shout on me I am also looking for the person who has sent me this mail....so what you can do...you should also forward this mail to all your nears and dears...and enjoy...like i enjoyed. HAHAHAHAH

PJ on Himesh bhai

ek baar himesh reshammiya ka shishya gaane ke competition mein
participate karta hai…lekin woh buri tareh se haar jaata hai…iski
wajeh se himesh bhai poori zindagi gaa nahi paata…kyon???

































Socho socho……




























































kyonki uske shishya ne haarkar uski naak katvaadi…aur naak ke bina
apna himesh bhai kya gaayega??

Dhansu PJ .... No one can beat this

Once upon a time in a jungle there was a lion. But he was unhappy with his life because he was very ugly.

Koi bhi lioness usko ghaas nahi daalti thi. But the lion had one speciality..He was very good at hunting..

One of the best hunters in the jungle..One day while hunting, the lion caught hold of an old rabbit.
As soon as he was about to kill the rabbit the rabbit pleaded him to spare his life and in return he promised to
give the lion anything he wanted. The lion gave it a thought and then he finally agreed.

He told the rabbit that if he can tell him a way by which he can become a handsome good looking king lion, he will spare his life.
On hearing this the old wise rabbit pointed towards a nearby hill. On top of it was a large rock.
The view from the rock was magnificent.The rabbit told the lion to go and sit on top of the rock and all his
problems will be solved..The lion thought the rabbit was bluffing him. So he took the rabbit along with him to the
rock and gave it a try...And to his surprise It worked!!..Suddenly all the lioness were noticing him and he
received many proposals for date. He thanked the rabbit for his favour and the rabbit breathed a sigh of relief and hopped away safely to his house..

Now the question is...How did the rabbit solve the problem for the lion?


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answer:- When the lion sat on the rock he became SherOn Stone.

Some rules cannot be followed

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.


" What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John ," the new guy replied.


She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.


I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling..... ....... My name is John Darling."


" Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .

PJ

Ek baar ek aadmi fan ke saamane khada hota hai.....
fan ka switch bhi ON karta hai...
and Fan ghoomta bhi hai ....
lakin hawa nahi aati bolo kyun????????
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Soocho Soocho..
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finally give up..
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Because woh EXHAUST FAN hota hai.

PJ

how do u make a cocacola frm water in ur house........
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u put the water in a bottle.............
u put in the fridge..........
wht u get is pani which is "THANDA"

and THANDA matlab.........COCA COLA.

Physics PJ

what is the vector form of sridevi????


















ANS : - TABU!!!!


confused???? why????
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ok i'l tell you...
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sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!!

Lunch Time Joke..

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him.
The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me
what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".
He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket
and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again and asked the beggar to come to his home with him.
Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man.

But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied.................................................













"My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like".

Diet misconceptions

Diet Misconceptions!!! :-)

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO..... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable ! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

These are all kiddings friends. Eat Healthy and Live Healthy.
Avoid Alcohols and Non-Vegs

PJ

why is manmohan singh not seen in d morning?????????


























think man..............




































hey thoda dimag par zoor dalo




























hey think yaar
its'nt this scewing u up?????????????






























well d answer is ....................



























last chance wanna try ?????


















































































































ANSWER-b'coz he is PM n not AM.

Question of the Day

Q. What happens when the lion roars??
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c'mon guys ...think ... its damn easy ...
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ohhkay, the answer is ....
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Tom and Jerry starts !!

chemical PJ

Remember Chemistry... Sorry this 1 is really bad....



Why did TATA salt ask Shah Rukh Khan to shake hands wid Anil Kapoor after taking bath?????
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Because Shah Rukh sayz Main hoon "Na"
Na is sodium, after he takes bath, Na will be converted to NaOH.

And Anil Kapoor is Tezaab...So when NaOH and Tezaab meet, it'll produce NaCl
Which is a Salt.

PJ

Ek baar ek gaaaoun mei ramu naam ka aadmi rehta hai..... jo baad mei shaher chala jaata hai....................


jab wo sheher se waapas aata hai to wo bahut rich ho jaata hai jisse wo gaaoun mei aaalishaaan ghar banata hai.....

ek raat ko uske ghar chor aate hain.....

but

jaisii hii wo chori karna start karte hain... almaari kholte hiii bahut saarii name plates unke siiir pe aaker gir jaati hain............

saaari almaariyo mei,TIJORI mei....bedroom mei.... sab jagah unhe name plates miltiii hain.....................

bataiye kyu.....................









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KYON KI WOH SHAHER SE BAHUT NAM KAMA KE LAUTA HAIN



HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PJ

Tortoise and rabbit gave CET exam and tortoise got 80%
and rabbit got 81%.
Both wanted admission in a good engineering college,
cut off was 85%.
Rabbit dint get but tortoise got…


How….
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Ans: Remember tortoise had won the race when you were
in first standard..
So.. Sports quota!!!!

PJ

STADIUM-LORDS.......
TEAMS-INDIA vs PAKISTAN........
BATSMAN-NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU........
BOWLER-SHOAIB AKHTER.....

LAST BALL OF THE MATCH.......INDIA NEEDS 1 RUN TO WIN........N PAKISTAN NEEDS 1 WICKET TO WIN.......
AKHTER IS THE BOWLER N SIDDHU IS THE BATSMAN.......
AS AKHTER WAS GOING TO THROW THE BALL SIDDHU STARTER SHOUTING
"HAMARI MANGE PURI KARO HAMARI MANGE PURI KARO........"




WHY?????
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COZ SIDDHU WAS ON STRIKE.

PJ

Ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain...
sab log use "Hanuman" bulate hain...

kyun???
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kyounki uska nam hanuman hota hai!

contradictions

Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .so why practice?
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....

Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... ......... ... ........

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... ......... ... ........

Save water.
Shower with your girl friend.

............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... ......... ... ........
Love thy neighbour.
But don't get caught.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ... ............ .......
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
The wise never marry…..
And when they marry they become otherwise.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... ......... ... ........
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....

Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... . ........... ........
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
............ ......... ... ............ ......... ......... ......... ... ........
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
When two's company, - three's the result!
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ............ ......... ......... ....
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

By all means marry

If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates


"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray


I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two
times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henny Youngman


"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison


"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle


Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."

Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

PJ

Once upon a time there lived a king.
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>The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess!
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>But there was a problem
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>Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal,
>wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men
>were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired.
>What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and
>magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one
>thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
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>The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a
>competition. Any man that could bring his daughter
>an object that would not melt would marry her and
>inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took
>up the challenge. The first prince brought a very
>hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess
>touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
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>The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that
>diamond is the hardest substance in the world and surely,
>it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it,
>it melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
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>The third prince approached. He told the princess,
>"Put your hand in the bag and feel what is in
>there." The princess did as she was told, though she
>turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in
>her hand. And it did not melt!!!
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>The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
>And the third prince married the princess and they both lived
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>happily ever after.
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>But The Question Is :
>What was the object the prince had in the bag?
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>They were Britannia Little Hearts of course!
>They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Tester versus developer

How Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)


Roshan D'Mello:

Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text
box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.

Mukesh Thakur:

How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should
come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.

After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur:

Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.

After another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:

I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound
is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting
the sound.

After another 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur:

Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM
machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt
speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use
head phones and then get the bug closed soon.

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:

I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across
different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my
colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound
as 'TONG'.

Mukesh Thakur:

Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines
are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you
expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them
uniform? Please close it.

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:

I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2
different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of
intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth
20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all
machines.

Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Thakur:

Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is
different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the
machines before I get mad and then close the bug.

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello:

I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Thakur:

What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?

Roshan D'Mello:

Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations
(different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.

After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur:

I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two
buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in
the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity
is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the
bugs.

After 1 year

Roshan D'Mello:

I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to
arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features,
so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity
of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the
sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some
background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it
is because of background noice.

Roshan D'Mello:

No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and
see.

Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)