Good One

Hi,

Best of Luck Dear.

An old man lived alone. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Dear Son:

I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram "For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and started digging up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad, It's the best I could do for you from here."

 

- Moral Of the Story -

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS

What Tamil Nadu thinks of Rajnikant

 

Aaj Ka PJ

Shakti=Power
once a man goes 2 a temple and prays"bhagwan mujhe shakti de....shakti de bhagwan mujhe"
suddenly he dies ...........y?
.........................
………..
.....
..............
.........................
bhagwan gave him shakti.
now shakti is power.
power is voltage X current i.e power= voltage X current
and in a temple you dont wear chappal hence no safety
hence he dies

TechTree.com - $100 Laptop to Get Windows XP

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Decision Making

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make................

..
...
..

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, I thought the same way initially because to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

"Remember that what's right isn't always popular...... and what's popular isn't always right."

Gyan For The Day!!!

 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. * * Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up! * * Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.Howcould getting more vegetables be bad for you? * * Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable ! It's the best feel-good food around! * * Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. * * Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! * * Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had About food and diets.........

Life !

Check dis out

Never question God's judgement

Arthur Ashe, the legendary wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.

From the world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?

To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?". And today in pain I should not be asking GOD

Why me?"

Happiness keeps you sweet, trials keep you strong, sorrow keeps you human, failure keeps you humble, success keeps you glowing,

But only God Keeps you Going..... Keep Going.....

Never never never give up.........

In India: Public Toilet

 

Indian Hell

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell
for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do
here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of
people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they
lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in
and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as
all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a Software
Engineer, so he comes in, swipes in and then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!!!

 

 

Something All Software Professionals should know

Something All Software Professionals should know

Six software professionals under the age of 33 have died and 2 top executives from renowned software companies have become paralysed because of stress-related heart ailments in the last six months in Chennai, says a study by Mitran Foundation, a Bangalore-based voluntary association of practising doctors.  

"All the six who died, and the two who became invalid, had no family history of heart attacks or any pre-history of heart ailments or paralysis. They were all in their prime, between 27 and 33 years, and handled challenging projects at work in their respective companies. They worked long and continuous hours. The end struck them very suddenly, and it looked as if their hearts refused to take any more stress," said Dr Dwarakanath, director of Mitran Foundation, who has studied stress components in 40 software companies in Chennai during the last six months.  

The study, conducted at a cost of Rs 45 lakhs, covered more than 4,000 software professionals from 80 companies who were in service for a minimum of three years. The email responses were scientifically tabulated and the findings were ready in 2002. Dr Dwarakanath, who was the late Dhirubhai Ambani's personal stress management consultant, said questionnaires extracting every minute detail were sent to the respondents. The personal background, family history and personal characteristics of these individuals were assessed and it was found that the stress in these professionals was only due to work pressure. All other factors were eliminated.  

"Our study confirmed that the number of suicides, divorces, heart ailments, BP and diabetes patients and mental depression are the highest in the software industry. The fancy salaries of software professionals are no longer something to rejoice about," Dr Dwarakanath said.
"We found that the software industry has simply no routine. Deadlines hang before them and every day they chase new problems. During weekends more than 60 per cent of the vehicles are found parked in the office complexes. There is no physical exercise and new food habits favoured by pizza culture fuel the problem. Cervical spondilitis and wrist problems due to uncomfortable handling of the computer mouse, eye problems and discomfort in bowel movements are common.  
The stress for couples where both are employed in the IT industry is the worst. The simple step of taking time off from work for three months allowed an IT couple wanting a child for years to conceive one," Dr Dwarakanath said.    

M.T.R. Venukopalan, senior training coordinator, Covansys India, acknowledged that IT professionals were the most stressed individuals. "Even if the company sponsors a movie or self-care lecture, not many attend them," he said. Jyothsana, a travel coordinator for Temenos India Pvt Ltd, expressed concern for the young employees who complain of back and knee pains. She acknowledged that IT professionals require a specific eating and physical exercise routine to ease their stress. "Our lives are becoming mechanical, guided only by deadlines," she said.

So think again if you are staying late in the office regularly. Think again about your family.  Think again about your social life and health.  

Please forward it to your friends too...

Work is essential. Your contribution to the goal should be great.

 

But, please don't make it a habit to stay late.  

Don't skip your Break Fast /Lunch/Dinner. None of these are equated by Pizza,    Biscuits   /   Wafers   /    Chat items

Subservientprogrammer

http://www.subservientprogrammer.com/main.aspx

I know these commands which are acted upon : eat, sleep, kick, slap, dance

 

Have you seen a water boat ?

Watch it here: http://iveseenbetter.com/archives/000599.html

 

Dilbert on Web2.0

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20070909.html

 

Be Specific....

A Man to God

Man:"Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls"

God replies:"Tataastu magane" {so it be, my son}

and made him a bus conductor of ladies special bus!

Moral: be specific........

 

A friendly Mistake...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in
a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to
myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house"

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in
for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski
weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked

"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on
our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and
pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes, I have to admit that I did." Bob said, a little embarrassed
about being found out

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm
afraid I did. Why do you ask?"


"She just died and left me everything."

The joy of Bangalore traffic jams

Over these last few years of living in Bangalore, I have slowly grown to like the jams, which this city provides in abundance.

These jams do build your patience and character. Is it a coincidence that India's most patient cricketers, Dravid and Kumble, hail from this city of jams? (Dravid is even nicknamed "Jammy"). Does it tell you something? Sri Sri Ravishankar…does he get his daily dose of spiritual inspiration while in a jam?? And will I also get a halo after a few more years of this "character building"?? There are, I am sure, thousands of future Anands stuck in the Adugodis and Anand Rao circles, who are plotting their moves against future Kramniks… those poor little Kramniks stand no chance. And if you see a professor-like guy prancing around the Palace road jam, you can deduce that a postulate in Physics has just been proved.

A few days back, I had a thought - If we can have reviews of movies, which occupy only a few hours of our life in a month, why not reviews of traffic jams, which takes up significant hours of our day?? So here is my review of some of Bangalore's famous and not-so-famous jams(in no particular order).

But before that, a general comment - As they say, the taste of food in a restaurant is dependent on the ambience ; similarly, the way I see jams, cozy inside the office shuttle or public transport, is different from the way the owner of the swank new SUV sees it. (btw, if you are the owner of the swank new SUV, don't run me down).

1. The Hosur Road Jam - Unarguably, the mother of all jams. We (ex-) Infoscions are proud of being (once) associated with a great company. We are equally proud of contributing in no small extent to this jam. This jam gives a great glimpse of the Other India - colorful music-blaring interstate buses, garment factory workers, highway trucks, smoke spewing lorries and such. Provides ample food for thought for socialist minds. (Rating: ***1/2)

2. The jams around K'mangala/Forum mall - Definitely the best jams in town. PYTs (Pretty young things), fancy cars, and fancy restaurants; this has it all. But you can't afford any of those. Never mind!! Your sadistic brain can take pleasure in the fact that the guy in the fancy car next to you is cruising around for a parking space, feasting his eyes on the PYTs , while his family is having dinner in one of the fancy restaurants. (Rating: ****1/2)

3. The KG Road jam - To be experienced in the evenings before a long weekend. Every auto/taxi in town seems to be stuck while going towards the City railway station - your hair stands on end, you start sweating, the heart beats faster, and you get the rush that a Michael Schumachaer gets on his last lap. And just as the auto moves, a movie show ends and a few hundred more vehicles pour out… Which was the train that hooted just now?? (Rating: ***1/2)

4. The Jayanagar jam - The puzzle-lovers jam; Jayanagar is maze of bylanes, one-way streets, no right-turns, no left-turns, traffic signals and whatnot. It is an establised fact that Point A to point B, in Jayanagar, can be reached in 6436 distinct ways. But whichever way you take, you are left with a hollow feeling that another route had a better and bigger jam? (Rating: **1/2)

5. The jams around Marathahalli/Whitefield - The IT professional's dream jam; As she sits in the office shuttle looking at other office buses, she can make her career plans. A typical evening in this jam goes thus:

Voice from Company A bus : "Any J2EE developers in your bus?". Three guys from Company B bus respond "Yeah" and get down. By the time, the bus crosses the Marathahalli bridge, the first guy is hired as a J2EE developer. The second guy, who didn't know what J2EE meant, is hired as a project manager and the third guy is rejected as he realised late that he has already worked for Company A last year.

(Rating: ****)
6. The Airport Road jam - Similar in taste and character like the Koramangala jam but has socialist twist. This jam treats the rich businessman, who will later travel business class on Jet, the same as a poor programmer, who had unusually come to office early in the morning, 3 months back, to buy one of those cheap airline tickets. (Rating ***)

7. The BTM 7th Main x 7 Cross jam - Close to my home, so close to my heart. But alas, the spoilsports at BDA finished the flyover at the Jayadeva circle and brought an end to this jam. But for a couple of years, this jam used to give me pure joy as vehicles of all types created a tangle in the small bylanes of BTM layout. The BDA is now planning a new flyover at the Udupi Garden junction; so there is still hope (Rating ***1/2).

We jam lovers - currently this club consists of only me - have petitioned the government to protect and preserve traffic jams as a cultural asset of Bangalore. Just so that traffic jams are not endangered in the future, we have these suggestions:

1. Build more flyovers - Flyovers do not reduce jams. They just transfer it to the next junction. And in the 2 years that it takes to build them, you are assured of some joyous jams. I am drooling...

2. No public buses - If everybody goes by buses, where will our culture go?
3. Make Tata's 1-Lakh car cheaper by making it tax free - Imagine every two wheeler replaced by a car...The prospects are mouth-watering.

Two Cows.........

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk

them from Hyderabad .

 

Jayalalithaism

 

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..."

and fall at your feet.

 

Karunanidhiism

 You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ..

 
Gandhism

 You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

 

Indiraism

 You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

 

Lalooism

 You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

 

Rajnikantism

 You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

 

Rajivism

 You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

 

Softwarism: (Ultimate....)

 

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

 

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

 

3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

 

4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

 

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client

the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

 

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

 

7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem

with accessories. (Change framework)

 

8 . Redo step 4

 

9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

 

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

 

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

 

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from

bulls

 

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

 

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

 

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

 

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow

rate (performance issue)

 

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

 

18. Client is happy???

 

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and

get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

Impact of Job Change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to
ask him a    question.   The driver screamed, lost
control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the
footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop
window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and
then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that
again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize
that a little tap would scare you so much."  The
driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.

Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been
driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25
years... 

Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel...

Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: " tea please "

 

 

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

 

 

Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"

 

Answer: "white"

 

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "

Answer: "With milk "

 

 

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

 

 

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

 

 

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "

Answer: "With sugar"

 

 

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

 

 

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

 

 

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

 

 
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer:


 I'll rather die of thirst  

Joke on HR!!

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

 "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

 "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman

 "Sorry, we have rules..."

 And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

 The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening  owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

 -

 -    

 

Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee...

Difference between focusing on problems and focusing on solutions

Case 1:

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

 Here's what the Russians did. They used a pencil.

 Case 2:

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a humungous amount to do so. However, when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-ray, etc, but came out with another solution instead. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line .

 Moral:

Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems. Always focus on solutions and not on problems. So at the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOKS INTO THE PROBLEM and resolves it early.