AAJ ka PJ (Pakistan Special)

Recently Pakistan cricket team came to India.

In the hotel they are served snacks.



Shoaib Akhtab offers Afridi a biscuit but he does not take it.


Then Sohail Tanvir offers biscuits to Afridi. Afridi denies.

Then the coach Rameez Raza asks Afridi to take a biscuit. But this time also he does not take it...

One by one all the players try to offer biscuits to Afridi but he would not take it...

Finally Afridi goes to Inzamam and asks him to give a biscuit...



WHY???????????????
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Okie...COZ...
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.The biscuit was 'priyagold'.......confused??????.
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KYUNKI..
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. Priyagold biscuits..."Haq se maango"

AAJ KA PJ

Barish aate hi ek ladka bahut shor-sharaba karne lagta hai..

Guess karo us ladke ka naam kya hota hai?
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..
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Uska naam hota hai

"Pavan"..


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Ab Socho Kaise??  
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Kyun Ki sawan ka mahina "Pavan" kare shor...

How to marry a rich guy

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual  salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1)      Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2)      Which age group should I target?
3)      Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking?
 I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4)      How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty


Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
 
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
Contact me…

signed,
J.P. Morgan

My Wife is Missing!

A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."

The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"

"A month."

"Why did you wait so long to report it?"

"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized
I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."

Aaj Ka PJ

Wat will gita be called if she starts wearing stylish and funky clothes?




ans:   YOGITA(Yo! gita)

SQL Query--(funny....)

WeddingQuery....... ....... (SQL Style)  

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM  india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire'   AND  Count(Car) > 20  AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having  Brothers= Null  AND Sisters =Null

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalanceFROM FatherInLaw    
UPDATEMyBankAccout SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATEMyLockerSET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO  

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Aaj Ka PJ

A man received a letter.  After reading the letter, he was very happy.  So happy, so happy that he hugged his panwala, kissed the servant and went around telling everybody the good news.  After all this excitement, he went and sat on a tree.  What did he do that?





Because the letter said he has been promoted as a Branch Manager :))))))))))))

Corporate

Roles in Heaven for people from Hindu mythology:


Brahma
Systems Installation

Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh
Quality Assurance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer

Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers

Surya
Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas
In house Hackers

Raavan
Internet Explorer www

Lakshman
Support Software and Backup

Hanuman
Linux/s390

Jatayu
Firewall

Dronacharya
System Programmer

Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects

Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation & Team building

Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna
Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches

Consultants

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an
organization....

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy
brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his
shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff
had spoons in their pockets.When the waiter came back to serve our soup
I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners
hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all
our processes.
After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that
customers drop their spoons 73.84 percent more often than any their
utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per
table per hour.
If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can
reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per
shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the
kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was
rather impressed. The waiter served our main course and I continued to
look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging
out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters
had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the
better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me,
but can you tell me why you have that string right there? "Oh,
certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as
observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that
we can save time in the rest room."

"How so?", I asked. "See," he continued, "by tying this string to the
tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without
touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands,
shortening the time spent in the rest room by 76.39 percent."
"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it out,
how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know
about the others, but I use the spoon."

AAJ KA PJ

Mr. Joshi bahot khush the kyunki unke school main chief minister saab aane wale the

aur Principal saab ne unko kaha kee woh bahar dhoop main kahde ho ke unka welcum kare...

Kyun...

 

 

Kyunki woh unka swagat garam-joshi se karna chate the

Aaj Ka PJ (Diwali Special)

Big B Says :  Mere Pass Diwali ke liye Tikali hai, fulzadi hai, anar hai, Lawangia fataka hai, Roket hai, sutali bomb hai.

;

;

;

 

Tumhare pass kya hai? Aayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

;

;

;

 

Shashi says: Bhaaaaaiiiiiii.....................

Mere pass.....................

Ma aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Chis  hai.............................. JJ

Give a thought to it

 
1.    When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)

2.    If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane  made out of that stuff? (very good  thinking)

3.    Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
   
4.    Can you cry under water? (let me try)

5.    Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)

6.    Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

7.    Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

8.    Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)

9.    Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stayand watch)

10.    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

11.    What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)

12.    If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember  that they forgot? (can somebody help )

13.    Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

14.    Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)

15.    If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

16.    If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17.    Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

18.    Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

19.    If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars ?
 

Difference between appraisal & Resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

 

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

 

Trainee: "Yes I do"

 

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

 

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

 

**********
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.    

 

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

 

**********
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.    

 

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

 

**********

 

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.     

 

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

 

**********

 

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.    

 

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

 

**********

Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"