Once a billi finds a chocolate. Per uske peeche kai kutte lag jate hai (to eat the chocolate).
Woh uss chocolate ko zameen khodh ke usmein chupa deti hai.
Us Chocolate ka naam kya hai?
think hard
..
….
think harder
Cadbury's Chocolate. (Cat-burries-chocolate)
Jo mujhe mail na kare……. BHAGWAN Kare.....
Usay Boss Weekend par bhi bulaaye........
uska US Ka Trip Cancel ho jae......
Jis Party main jaye wahan daroo khatm ho jae........
Cigarette haath main ho aur maachis na mil paye..........
Girl Friend Ghar par Rakhi Baandhne aa jaye........
Salary wale din account balance zero dikhaye........
Uski Coffee main Makhii gir jaye..........
ATM Card Machine main phas jaye...........
Mobile main virus aa jaye...............
Usko loose motion ho jaye aur........
Hamesha Toilet main kisi aur ko ghusa paye..............
Movie hamesha housefull ho jaye................
Uski Gaadi Traffic Jam main phas jaye.......................
Aaakhon ke saamne se uski train chali jaye.........
Uska Electricity Bill Extra Aajaaye.....
Uska Net Baar Baar Disconnect Ho Jaaye.....
Uske Ghar Ka Power Cut ho jaye.......... .
Aur
Aur
Aur ... .... ... ...
Abhi mauka hai….
Sudhar jao…..
what did ‘ritesh deshmukh’ say when he wanted ‘mani ratnam’ as director?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
apna sapna mani mani
Once a woodcutter went to the city suddenly all the gals started following him.
Can you guess why??????
???
?????
Because
.
.
.
.
.
Of the AXE EFFECT!!!!
ek din suddenly beckham angoothe se futbal kyu khelne lagta hai?
.
.
KYON?.
.
.
.
coz he buys "TVS STAR CITY"...jab angootha dumdar to laat marna bekar
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
" Then how can a student pass??"
Below is the parody song from the telugu movie “Happy Days”
---------------
Morning levali...
snanam cheyali....
cab ekkali...
office ki vellali...
oooooooooooooo ooo ooo
oooooooooooooo ooo ooo
oooooooooooooo ooo ooo
oooooooooooooo ooo ooo
cubicle lo patalu
pantry lo matalu
training lo wonderluu
Coding lo blunderluu
Appraisals ki tenderlu...
ika cab la kai waitingu
cab drivers tho fighting
pantry lo meeting uuuuu...
jill jill jiga....
jill jill jiga...
jill jill jiga....
jill jill jiga...
jill jill jiga....
jill jill jiga...
jill jill jiga....
jill jill jiga...
Reviews lo tappulu..
code lo bugguluu
Clients tho cheevatlu..
PM tho thittulu…
last minute codingu
Onsite tho fightingu
Bench kosamai waitngu uuuu uuu
jill jill jiga....
jill jill jiga...
jill jill jiga....
jill jill jiga...
Morning levali...
snanam cheyali....
cab ekkali...
office ki vellali...
---------------
Recently Pakistan cricket team came to India.
In the hotel they are served snacks.
Shoaib Akhtab offers Afridi a biscuit but he does not take it.
Then Sohail Tanvir offers biscuits to Afridi. Afridi denies.
Then the coach Rameez Raza asks Afridi to take a biscuit. But this time also he does not take it...
One by one all the players try to offer biscuits to Afridi but he would not take it...
Finally Afridi goes to Inzamam and asks him to give a biscuit...
WHY???????????????
.
.
Okie...COZ...
.
.
.
.
.The biscuit was 'priyagold'.......confused??????.
.
.
..
KYUNKI..
.
.
. Priyagold biscuits..."Haq se maango"
Barish aate hi ek ladka bahut shor-sharaba karne lagta hai..
Guess karo us ladke ka naam kya hota hai?
.
..
.
.
Uska naam hota hai
"Pavan"..
.
.
Ab Socho Kaise??
.
.
Kyun Ki sawan ka mahina "Pavan" kare shor...
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking?
I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
Contact me…
signed,
J.P. Morgan
Wat will gita be called if she starts wearing stylish and funky clothes?
ans: YOGITA(Yo! gita)
WeddingQuery....... ....... (SQL Style)
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalanceFROM FatherInLaw
UPDATEMyBankAccout SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATEMyLockerSET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;
A man received a letter. After reading the letter, he was very happy. So happy, so happy that he hugged his panwala, kissed the servant and went around telling everybody the good news. After all this excitement, he went and sat on a tree. What did he do that?
Because the letter said he has been promoted as a Branch Manager :))))))))))))
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an
organization....
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy
brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his
shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff
had spoons in their pockets.When the waiter came back to serve our soup
I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners
hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all
our processes.
After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that
customers drop their spoons 73.84 percent more often than any their
utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per
table per hour.
If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can
reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per
shift."
As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the
kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was
rather impressed. The waiter served our main course and I continued to
look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging
out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters
had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the
better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me,
but can you tell me why you have that string right there? "Oh,
certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as
observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that
we can save time in the rest room."
"How so?", I asked. "See," he continued, "by tying this string to the
tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without
touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands,
shortening the time spent in the rest room by 76.39 percent."
"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it out,
how do you put it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know
about the others, but I use the spoon."
Mr. Joshi bahot khush the kyunki unke school main chief minister saab aane wale the
aur Principal saab ne unko kaha kee woh bahar dhoop main kahde ho ke unka welcum kare...
Kyun...
Kyunki woh unka swagat garam-joshi se karna chate the
Big B Says : Mere Pass Diwali ke liye Tikali hai, fulzadi hai, anar hai, Lawangia fataka hai, Roket hai, sutali bomb hai.
;
;
;
Tumhare pass kya hai? Aayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
;
;
;
Shashi says: Bhaaaaaiiiiiii.....................
Mere pass.....................
Ma aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Chis hai.............................. JJ
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stayand watch)
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars ?
A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation
**********
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
**********
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
**********
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
**********
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
**********
Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"
Hi,
Best of Luck Dear.
An old man lived alone. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Dear Son:
I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
Shortly, the old man received this telegram "For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and started digging up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad, It's the best I could do for you from here."
- Moral Of the Story -
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS
Shakti=Power
once a man goes 2 a temple and prays"bhagwan mujhe shakti de....shakti de bhagwan mujhe"
suddenly he dies ...........y?
.........................
………..
.....
..............
.........................
bhagwan gave him shakti.
now shakti is power.
power is voltage X current i.e power= voltage X current
and in a temple you dont wear chappal hence no safety
hence he dies
| This message was sent to you from http://www.techtree.com Your Friend, Dinakar with email id ,d@d.com would like you to read the article below: http://www.techtree.com/India/News/100_Laptop_to_Get_Windows_XP/551-84123-615.html Title: $100 Laptop to Get Windows XP |
The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?
Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make................
..
...
..
|
Check dis out
Never question God's judgement
Arthur Ashe, the legendary wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From the world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?". And today in pain I should not be asking GOD
Why me?"
Happiness keeps you sweet, trials keep you strong, sorrow keeps you human, failure keeps you humble, success keeps you glowing,
But only God Keeps you Going..... Keep Going.....
Never never never give up.........
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell
for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do
here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of
people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they
lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in
and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as
all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a Software
Engineer, so he comes in, swipes in and then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!!!
Something All Software Professionals should know
Six software professionals under the age of 33 have died and 2 top executives from renowned software companies have become paralysed because of stress-related heart ailments in the last six months in Chennai, says a study by Mitran Foundation, a Bangalore-based voluntary association of practising doctors.
"All the six who died, and the two who became invalid, had no family history of heart attacks or any pre-history of heart ailments or paralysis. They were all in their prime, between 27 and 33 years, and handled challenging projects at work in their respective companies. They worked long and continuous hours. The end struck them very suddenly, and it looked as if their hearts refused to take any more stress," said Dr Dwarakanath, director of Mitran Foundation, who has studied stress components in 40 software companies in Chennai during the last six months.
The study, conducted at a cost of Rs 45 lakhs, covered more than 4,000 software professionals from 80 companies who were in service for a minimum of three years. The email responses were scientifically tabulated and the findings were ready in 2002. Dr Dwarakanath, who was the late Dhirubhai Ambani's personal stress management consultant, said questionnaires extracting every minute detail were sent to the respondents. The personal background, family history and personal characteristics of these individuals were assessed and it was found that the stress in these professionals was only due to work pressure. All other factors were eliminated.
"Our study confirmed that the number of suicides, divorces, heart ailments, BP and diabetes patients and mental depression are the highest in the software industry. The fancy salaries of software professionals are no longer something to rejoice about," Dr Dwarakanath said.
"We found that the software industry has simply no routine. Deadlines hang before them and every day they chase new problems. During weekends more than 60 per cent of the vehicles are found parked in the office complexes. There is no physical exercise and new food habits favoured by pizza culture fuel the problem. Cervical spondilitis and wrist problems due to uncomfortable handling of the computer mouse, eye problems and discomfort in bowel movements are common.
The stress for couples where both are employed in the IT industry is the worst. The simple step of taking time off from work for three months allowed an IT couple wanting a child for years to conceive one," Dr Dwarakanath said.
M.T.R. Venukopalan, senior training coordinator, Covansys India, acknowledged that IT professionals were the most stressed individuals. "Even if the company sponsors a movie or self-care lecture, not many attend them," he said. Jyothsana, a travel coordinator for Temenos India Pvt Ltd, expressed concern for the young employees who complain of back and knee pains. She acknowledged that IT professionals require a specific eating and physical exercise routine to ease their stress. "Our lives are becoming mechanical, guided only by deadlines," she said.
So think again if you are staying late in the office regularly. Think again about your family. Think again about your social life and health.
Please forward it to your friends too...
Work is essential. Your contribution to the goal should be great.
But, please don't make it a habit to stay late.
Don't skip your Break Fast /Lunch/Dinner. None of these are equated by Pizza, Biscuits / Wafers / Chat items
http://www.subservientprogrammer.com/main.aspx
I know these commands which are acted upon : eat, sleep, kick, slap, dance
A Man to God
Man:"Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls"
God replies:"Tataastu magane" {so it be, my son}
and made him a bus conductor of ladies special bus!
Moral: be specific........
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in
a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to
myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house"
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in
for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski
weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked
"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on
our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and
pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes, I have to admit that I did." Bob said, a little embarrassed
about being found out
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm
afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
Over these last few years of living in Bangalore, I have slowly grown to like the jams, which this city provides in abundance.
These jams do build your patience and character. Is it a coincidence that India's most patient cricketers, Dravid and Kumble, hail from this city of jams? (Dravid is even nicknamed "Jammy"). Does it tell you something? Sri Sri Ravishankar…does he get his daily dose of spiritual inspiration while in a jam?? And will I also get a halo after a few more years of this "character building"?? There are, I am sure, thousands of future Anands stuck in the Adugodis and Anand Rao circles, who are plotting their moves against future Kramniks… those poor little Kramniks stand no chance. And if you see a professor-like guy prancing around the Palace road jam, you can deduce that a postulate in Physics has just been proved.
A few days back, I had a thought - If we can have reviews of movies, which occupy only a few hours of our life in a month, why not reviews of traffic jams, which takes up significant hours of our day?? So here is my review of some of Bangalore's famous and not-so-famous jams(in no particular order).
But before that, a general comment - As they say, the taste of food in a restaurant is dependent on the ambience ; similarly, the way I see jams, cozy inside the office shuttle or public transport, is different from the way the owner of the swank new SUV sees it. (btw, if you are the owner of the swank new SUV, don't run me down).
1. The Hosur Road Jam - Unarguably, the mother of all jams. We (ex-) Infoscions are proud of being (once) associated with a great company. We are equally proud of contributing in no small extent to this jam. This jam gives a great glimpse of the Other India - colorful music-blaring interstate buses, garment factory workers, highway trucks, smoke spewing lorries and such. Provides ample food for thought for socialist minds. (Rating: ***1/2)
2. The jams around K'mangala/Forum mall - Definitely the best jams in town. PYTs (Pretty young things), fancy cars, and fancy restaurants; this has it all. But you can't afford any of those. Never mind!! Your sadistic brain can take pleasure in the fact that the guy in the fancy car next to you is cruising around for a parking space, feasting his eyes on the PYTs , while his family is having dinner in one of the fancy restaurants. (Rating: ****1/2)
3. The KG Road jam - To be experienced in the evenings before a long weekend. Every auto/taxi in town seems to be stuck while going towards the City railway station - your hair stands on end, you start sweating, the heart beats faster, and you get the rush that a Michael Schumachaer gets on his last lap. And just as the auto moves, a movie show ends and a few hundred more vehicles pour out… Which was the train that hooted just now?? (Rating: ***1/2)
4. The Jayanagar jam - The puzzle-lovers jam; Jayanagar is maze of bylanes, one-way streets, no right-turns, no left-turns, traffic signals and whatnot. It is an establised fact that Point A to point B, in Jayanagar, can be reached in 6436 distinct ways. But whichever way you take, you are left with a hollow feeling that another route had a better and bigger jam? (Rating: **1/2)
5. The jams around Marathahalli/Whitefield - The IT professional's dream jam; As she sits in the office shuttle looking at other office buses, she can make her career plans. A typical evening in this jam goes thus:
Voice from Company A bus : "Any J2EE developers in your bus?". Three guys from Company B bus respond "Yeah" and get down. By the time, the bus crosses the Marathahalli bridge, the first guy is hired as a J2EE developer. The second guy, who didn't know what J2EE meant, is hired as a project manager and the third guy is rejected as he realised late that he has already worked for Company A last year.
(Rating: ****)
6. The Airport Road jam - Similar in taste and character like the Koramangala jam but has socialist twist. This jam treats the rich businessman, who will later travel business class on Jet, the same as a poor programmer, who had unusually come to office early in the morning, 3 months back, to buy one of those cheap airline tickets. (Rating ***)
7. The BTM 7th Main x 7 Cross jam - Close to my home, so close to my heart. But alas, the spoilsports at BDA finished the flyover at the Jayadeva circle and brought an end to this jam. But for a couple of years, this jam used to give me pure joy as vehicles of all types created a tangle in the small bylanes of BTM layout. The BDA is now planning a new flyover at the Udupi Garden junction; so there is still hope (Rating ***1/2).
We jam lovers - currently this club consists of only me - have petitioned the government to protect and preserve traffic jams as a cultural asset of Bangalore. Just so that traffic jams are not endangered in the future, we have these suggestions:
1. Build more flyovers - Flyovers do not reduce jams. They just transfer it to the next junction. And in the 2 years that it takes to build them, you are assured of some joyous jams. I am drooling...
2. No public buses - If everybody goes by buses, where will our culture go?
3. Make Tata's 1-Lakh car cheaper by making it tax free - Imagine every two wheeler replaced by a car...The prospects are mouth-watering.
Chandrababuism
You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milkthem from Hyderabad .
Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..."
and fall at your feet.
Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ..
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
Rajivism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
Softwarism: (Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them
(Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client
the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from
bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and
get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!
